The Ultimate Guide to Being Independent in Your 20s

Single or not, you NEED these reminders to value your independence as a woman in your 20s!

What does it mean to be independent? 

Being independent can mean a variety of things to different people, but here we’re talking about being confident in who you are regardless of your relationship status.  An independent woman in her 20s is many things, but what sets her apart from the pack is that she knows what’s good for her and she prioritizes her wellbeing.  

What does valuing your independence look like? 

The independent woman doesn’t have to bring a date to a party.  She doesn’t jump from relationship to relationship. She dates when it’s convenient for her and her schedule.  She’s cool with staying in on a Friday night to recharge from the week. She handles her responsibilities on her own and she gets shit done.  If she’s in a relationship, she remains true to herself and values her “me-time”. The independent woman has interests and goals that are specific to her, not just her in the relationship.       

What does it look like if you’re NOT valuing your independence? 

You may need to reflect and be a little firm with yourself here.  It’s easy to get stuck in patterns and comfort zones, but I promise you, it’s so worth it to take charge of who and what you let into your life.  If you’re not fully embracing your independence and living that boss babe life, the following situations may sound familiar: 

• Situation #1:  Your friends aren’t around tonight, so you’re upset all night and feel that your weekend is ruined.  You feel like there’s nothing you can do now that your girls aren’t available.

• Situation #2:  You frequently try to meet guys through dating apps, even ones you’re not really that interested in, because you feel like you should be trying to find someone and get a boyfriend.  Maybe most of your friends are in relationships and you feel like the odd one out.

• Situation #3:  Your boyfriend’s planning on going to a friend’s place to watch a game and says only the guys are going to be there.  You go because you always do things with him or feel like you have to, otherwise you’ll feel left out.

What are the benefits to valuing your independence? 

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you should be extremely comfortable on your own.  You are your own person and shouldn’t feel like you need another person to “complete” you. The benefits definitely overlap, but for right now, let’s break it up by being in a relationship versus not being in a relationship.  

• BENEFITS IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP
  • In an ideal relationship world, the two of you would have shared friends and then each have your own friends.  God forbid you break up, you still have a solid support system of friends who wouldn’t have to choose whether or not they can remain your friend.  You should feel comfortable with having your own hobbies and interests. The two of you should feel good about him having a guys night and you doing a girls night.  Relationships are not meant to involve a surgical attachment at the hip that involves only making plans when your partner’s involved too. It’s essential to prioritize yourself even when you’re one half of a relationship.  NEWSFLASH: this isn’t selfish! You’re recognizing that you are your own person, with interests and goals that are of value to you. In fact, this will make you a better partner because focusing on goals that fuel a passion in your life brings a new dynamic into your relationship.  Having activities and interests that are separate from your partner will lead to more conversations and sharing, like teaching him and updating him about your new hobby/activity.
  • Relationship timelines, like “In 1 year we’re going to get engaged, in 3 years we’ll start a family” are not independent woman goals. Of course you can want these exciting and meaningful milestones! The reminder here is to have tangible goals that involve your interest, talents, and overall wellbeing.  Think of what you’re interested in outside of your relationship. Cooking, running, reading, blogging, teaching, creating, learning a new language… things that you can do on your own. You can get your partner involved later on if you’d like, but make sure you’re doing something for you!

• BENEFITS IF YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP
  • If you are single, independence can sometimes be frustrating or irritating.  This may be a topic you are not thrilled about discussing. Maybe you feel that you want to be in relationship and you’re sick of being on your own. You may be feeling sick of doing things on your own, frustrated with friends and family asking about your relationship status, or feeling like you’re constantly comparing yourself to your coupled up friends.  Totally understandable!
  • The thing is, being independent and being single or own your own are two VERY different things. It’s about taking charge of what your life as a single woman in her 20s involves. This is the time in your life where you get to explore the world. You can focus on your career and your interests. It’s more important than ever to embrace all the positives to being an independent woman. When you do meet a potential partner, you will be so whole and confident in who you are, you’ll be magnetic. The damsel in distress who needs her prince charming is as outdated as my mom’s prom dress.

What are some ways I can be more independent? 

Do something new on your own.  Take on a new challenge or project by yourself.  It can be that you’re going to learn watercolor painting and watching video tutorials to get started.  It can mean going to the park to read every Saturday by yourself. 

Remind yourself that you’re enough on a person on your own.  You don’t need his approval for whether you look good in that dress.  If you’re single, stop comparing your situation to a friend’s situation. 

Show up for yourself.  If you make a commitment to something that’s important to you, don’t slack.  Don’t let yourself off the hook or make excuses. If you make a commitment to exercising more, then you stay true to your promise and go to the gym.  If you commit to dinner with a friend one weeknight, you stay true to your word and meet your friend.